The Lucifer Diaries
Are You Willing to Accept God’s Gift of Atonement?
A True Life Story by Bobby Brown
Introduction – Use Your Head
Use your head. That was something my father always said. I never listened. I liked to fly by the seat of my pants, until I lost them and everything else. I was born into love. Blessed with a beautiful loving mother, honest hardworking dad, and my favorite sister. I only had one sister, but if you know her, she is probably your favorite too.
I had the whole world in front of me, and like a lightning bolt from Heaven, I was hard to contain. Luckily, my shoes had rubber soles. They were the only thing that kept me grounded. Like a lightning bolt, the instant I went out the front door of our lovely suburban house…you know the one with the white picket fence, my feet took me as fast as I could go…to exactly where my mind wanted to be that day.
Man was life fun. I would have taken off like a rocket ship any given day, if I thought it was possible. But the world is a funny place. It sets up walls, barriers, signs, laws, and rules, all in the name of safety, but I all I saw were limits on my freedom. And since I was young, I really didn’t know the meaning of this or how to take it. All I knew is I loved to have fun, and when something got in the way of fun, I got angry.
When I couldn’t do what I thought would be fun, I would pray to God angry prayers of “Why?” and never took the time to listen to any answers. I wasn’t even 10 years old yet, and I was already mad at the world.
It wasn’t long before my anger turned into guilt, doubt, despair, and really just a full menu of fear. I became two people in one body. It was like Superman and Lex Luther were battling inside my brain. One guy was filled with love, energy, excitement, and he genuinely cared about everyone. The other guy…well that’s where the story gets ugly. It is hard to believe it is even true. I mean how could Lex Luther possibly defeat Superman?
Well, once you fully accept fear into your mind, I believe kryptonite pales in comparison. How else could a Son of God think he was worse than the devil? And how could God’s children think it was possible for the devil to steal God’s children’s souls? Fear is the answer! But when you learn the truth about Our Father, you will see just how silly this whole idea is.
I mean really, how does perfect become imperfect? That doesn’t even make sense. Unfortunately, I believed it without question, and the answer never really crossed my mind for a long time. I just thought perfect and imperfect was the way it is. And I ran through life at full speed, not really looking carefully at anything at all. My two thoughts that ruled my life were:
1. I want something.
2. How do I get it?
Everything else was secondary, even God.
With that said, this is my journey from Heaven to hell and back to Heaven. Well, I am almost there, but there is no doubt in my mind, I am going to get there. Just wait until you meet the Family of Heaven. If you have no idea what I am talking about, I am so excited for you. If there is any lack in your life, or you have any sense of guilt, fear, doubt or loss, I hope this little story helps lead you back to where you belong…God’s Arms.
Chapter 1 – What Happened?
Bob awoke from his dream to find himself in a familiar place, a room at his parents’ house where he lived. He didn’t know how he got there, but he knew why he was there. He thought he lost the battle for his salvation, and this was the only safe place he knew. The seed of love from which he was created was a distant memory. His hatred which came in the form of self loathing, because of fear, guilt, and judgement, had hardened his soul.
He must have had some shred of love still left in his body, because he wasn’t in the depths of hell yet. Pondering that detail, Bob wondered if he really still had a chance. He knew the hatred coursing through him was strong, and that he had to replace all the evil in his body with loving light. Unconditional love was foreign to him. Even when there was a good amount of love in him, he only gave it at a price.
The world of people had taught each other this concept of love with a price throughout the ages, and now the world’s foundation was crumbling. Satan’s deception was impeccable, and many of us never saw it coming. Money was the devil’s blood, and it became more valuable than life itself. People would kill, lie, cheat, and steal in order to obtain it. They would work at jobs they despised to be able to acquire things they did not need. “Living the life” as they called it was upholding the devil’s illusion.
Many people stopped caring about each other because of money. Bob knew this, but lost his way, as many did. He dug a pit so deep that at the present moment it felt like an impossible task to climb out of it. Then he remembered, all things are possible with God. If there was a way into this mess, there must be away out, he thought. Even so, why would God even want him back? He knew all the wrong the he did, and felt it was unthinkable, unacceptable, and unforgivable.
How could the Father, God, possibly allow the healing of his soul after all the atrocities he had committed against the unconditional love that gave him life? Even though he didn’t know yet, his hatred and anger was really just pain (a call for love). See, Bob wanted to save the world, and he couldn’t even save himself. His mind had gotten in the way of his heart, and not realizing how fragile people really were he pushed too hard. Bob wanted the best for everyone, but that wasn’t his business. It was God’s business. If he just would have done his part, maybe none of this would have happened.
He felt hopeless most of the time now. He always tried to change his reality with questions starting with “What if?” He knew it was useless, but continued anyway. He did have one thing in common with God. He was created in God’s peace, with the force of unconditional love, and was in God’s perfection. So, in reality he was perfect. Somehow, he just forgot. The devil’s illusion had clouded his mind so completely, that he couldn’t even remember this simple fact of life.
Unconditional love was the first step, and he needed to learn more about it. Giving everything and expecting nothing is unconditional love’s essence. Bob only had a mustard seed of faith and a tiny flame of love left. He knew it wouldn’t be easy, but he was ready to find out how to help his self and the others that had lost their way. At that moment he realized that the only way to really help anyone else was to share unconditional love freely using the peace and perfection that God had bestowed upon him. By setting the example of making the right minded choices based on truth (God’s Perfection), it actually would give him the ability to love others properly…unconditionally.
God created us to be happy and full of joy, to feel and share only unconditional love, and always be at peace (Truth). So, what happened?
Chapter 2 – The Rabbit Hole
Bob’s strength in Heaven was a weakness on Earth. It was blind trust in everyone. He believed what everyone told him, and to many he came off as gullible. He would place his full trust in others, and some individuals would take advantage of it. By taking him for a fool, instead of a kindhearted soul, they helped open the door to total annihilation. No one knew it yet, but the nightmare had begun.
During the early 1980’s, people liked to feed each other their fears, and Bob had a big appetite and a strong constitution. With his massive amounts of energy, he could swallow fear by the plateful, and still remain happy and optimistic. No matter how distorted his mind became from gladly accepting everyone’s fears for himself, he kept smiling and spreading joy. Although those around him thought he was just being weird, Bob was actually trying to express their fears in a loving way.
Too young to understand the impossibility of his mission, he continued with his go lucky style without a clue. What started as trust, slowly transformed into doubt, guilt, and self-destruction. Unfortunately for Bob, he had no idea what was happening, and once the insanity began he forgot to care. He just kept trying to make the best of an impossible situation.
Bob was unconsciously trying to save everyone from their fears by taking them for himself. He was only trying to help, but he was really making the situation worse, much worse. He wasn’t there yet, not even close, but this rabbit hole led straight to hell.
Chapter 3 – Dazed And Confused
Bob hated school as a child. I remember at the end of each summer during his elementary years, he would cry and disclose his fears of the upcoming school year and his new teacher. One day in first grade they actually had to pull him through the classroom door kicking and screaming with tears streaming down his face. What was this complete disgust in school? Did Bob sense a problem with the institution that most kids didn’t see. I’m not sure he really knew why he feared school, but he always settled down after he became comfortable with his old and new friends.
The lack of control was his real fear, which was a loss of freedom. Everyone was taught the same way whether it was good for every child or not. Bob suffered from a form of dyslexia, where his fears would get in the way of him perceiving the lessons in a rational manner. He was excited to learn, but fear of what others thought slowed him down and left him frustrated. Many children faced similar learning blocks, with no one that understood the true nature of their problems. They were simply sorted into categories of learning ability based on performance and behavior.
Because of the system that was in place, many bright stars dulled due to improper training of the mind, at this critical young age. Most of the so-called bad kids or slow learners just suffered from a lack of love within the school system. Teachers had a job to do and a good deal of the teachers were not equipped with the tools or did not have the resources to give each child the love and support they needed to flourish in the current time period. Behavioral problems were not addressed properly as these kids were just seeking attention, and instead got stuck in the corner or sent to the principal to be shamed rather than loved.
Bob came from a loving family, but even in his home his brilliance was misunderstood. He was easily excited, and usually expressed it with his friends. Many children had to adapt into a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hide mentality, where around parents and people of authority kids acted like polite and proper young people, and around friends their true characters would shine. Young and excited to experiment with life and all it had to offer with no one to get in the way during these moments the children were alone or with friends they trusted is where some of the best lessons were learned, and at home or for some of the kids even in school, they were perfect little angels.
Speaking of angels, Bob’s Grandmother made sure him, his sister, and two cousins, Tracie and Chrissie went to church every Sunday. She drove them with her lead foot to a church she liked, so they could build their foundation in Christ. She believed you checked out churches until you found a Pastor that spoke to you in a manner you desired…one that brought you closer to God. She sang in the choir, as a big part of her joy came through music. Christ was her foundation, and church made her feel connected.
Bob didn’t understand how excepting Jesus as his personal savior could bring salvation, when the example set by his peers made it seem like one man’s death would give you the ability to do whatever you wanted and God would make sure you would go to Heaven. He accepted Christ regardless, but didn’t feel any different, and thus started on his mission of salvation, even though it lead him to a hole in hell.
True understanding doesn’t come easy for all of us, and I guess Bob needed to make sure he knew the truth in his own way like we all do in order to come to the realization that God loves us and always will. He took the low road, but how does he come out on top? Well we are just getting started, but life is our own, and how we live it is up to each one us, regardless of all the stumbling blocks and blessings we find on our path.
It’s funny that Christians place so much emphasis on Christ’s death, and Easter Sunday is really the only time as far the churches I went to, that the Resurrection was talked about. Why are people waiting to die to go to Heaven, when Jesus rose again? What is the importance of the Resurrection for the common man? How did Jesus do it? What does he know that most of us don’t know? Are we also going to rise again?
These are the questions that sat in Bob’s mind, but the answers came slowly. It took many years for them to come. He was taught to pray to God, but he forgot to ask the right questions, and never focused on the answers. With Bob, he never understood why there was so much standing in the way of his freedom, and he always thought is was God’s fault. How many of us blame God for our shortcomings? Why would a loving God seem to punish us every step of the way? If you think about, it seems like insanity. Maybe it was all Bob’s fault. Maybe he made the world of blame, so he could pass blame on everything he encountered.
At a young age, how many of us blame the world for getting in our way, devoid of the “why” answers we need to make an informed decision? Left to our own devices, equipped with the tools for our own salvation, what stops people like Bob from finding Heaven? How many illusions hide the truth from our view? What is the devil’s trick, and how have we deceived ourselves? Bob’s limited view of Creation, as well as his teachers left him dazed and confused. This adventurer had a lot of work to do in order to find the truth he sought.
Chapter 4 – The Difference Between Life and Death
Bob liked to run. What’s the difference between life and death? Where ever he went he always moved fast. He really did everything fast. That’s how he enjoyed the world around him. Maybe no one taught him how to sit. The world moved fast, so I guess Bob thought he had to move fast with it.
He loved to chase dreams and try new things, but no matter what he found that brought pleasure, eventually brought pain. And everyone’s success plans only brought the teacher money. He never looked at things all that close, but recognized the truth and still was always off chasing the next big idea. Why couldn’t he slow down and fully embrace the truth?
Bob believed the world existed outside himself, and he was always wondering where he fit in. His world within was his to give away, but nobody really understood the way he played, even though it was always fun. He saw the world as a family even though he covered it with guilt and shame. Trying to blend in to societal stresses of everyday seemed to create a mask rather then a window to his soul.
Not knowing his innocence was in the hands of the source of all things, he let guilt fill his veins feeling any decision he made was the wrong one, even when it was right. What monster portrays guilt as the solution to the world’s problems?
Scary as it seems, everybody was buying into more problems means salable solutions. Who was responsible for selling what the Earth gives freely? Who’s philosophy said I am better than someone else? When did death become our enemy? Death was always a good friend. Bob was always ready to remember what innocence really was and swoosh he was on to something else.
Chapter Whatever – Times a Wasting
Now I am waiting for you…